anniversary

It has been a year ago today that I had both my knees replaced. Wow how time passes quickly. To celebrate I went to a new camping store we havc in town and purchased a new pair of hiking boots.

They are the same brand I used about 22 years ago when I hiked the Haleakala Crater On Maui Hawaii. That was before all my physical problems. I am still having problems with my legs, but am determined to hike again.

I may be slower and have to stop alot, however the adventurer is still in my blood. The will to help others and share my journey of recovery and assist them with theirs is alive and strong.

So the word for today is keep the spirit alivc, and move however you can. By the way the bran of show is called hi Tech.

As I said in the journal room it has been quite awhile since I have written anything due to computer problems, and I was dealing with depression, which is a byproduct of post surgery.

     I am feeling much better now emotionally, however the knees do not have the range or freedom from pain I was expecting. The challenge continues to keep moving, keep loosing weight, and to stay motivated.

     I have become a Holistic Life Coach with an emphasis on Stress Reduction and will be adding services to the site in the near future. Stay tuned for more information.

Each Day a New Beginning

It is now September 30, I have been back to work since early August and am now walking with a cane. The pain is still intense, sleep is not always soothing, but I am more determined than ever to fully recover from this wellness challenge and assist others in my predicament.

I hope those who need it find their way to this site. Soon I will be going into the community and doing Reiki and meditation for pain management. I look forward to doing the healing work agian. Peace to all of you.

Acute versus chronic pain

The past week has been sheer hell. I had my knees manipulated and while they got great range while I was knocked out and woke up in horrendous pain I now battele every day to stay mobile. The pain meds no longer work and the screaming is getting worse when they crank on my knees that do not want to bend.

Now Chronic pain I can deal with, but this acute pain from swelling<SPAN class=spell id=sp-11 title="Click here to replace with: gin" style="PADDING-RIGHT: 2px; BACKGROUND-POSITION: left bottom; PADDING-LEFT: 2px; BACKGROUND-IMAGE: url(http://sdk.webmail.aol.com/sdk/20050527/images/bg_spellingErr.gif); PADDING-BOTTOM: 2px; CURSOR: pointer; COLOR: black; PADDING-TOP: 2px; BACKGROUND-REPEAT: repeat-x; BACKGROUND-COLOR: yellow" _backupTitle="null">, and tissue damage is a whole new ball game. I know there are many men and women suffering from the war with far greater wounds than me, and innocent women an children dying and suffering around the world due to the greed and ignorance of those in power in each nation.

My heart and prayers go out to them, because this despair and pain I am experience  is taking me to the brink. My former life is passing away before my eyes with every scream.
Doctor's should not lie about this process it is a sin against the medical profession. Having two knees done at once when you have fybromyal and are in terrible shape to begin with is cruel. If I do get to write my book I will address all of these issues. Today please send prayers of comfort and healing and any donation would be appreciated. as I do not know how I am going to work like this. Thanks.

Today is my Birthday

It';s my birthday and I have been crying most of the day. Some from pain from my legs, and some from people actually sending me things, cards, calls etc. and showing me they love me. I have felt very alone and dejected and this outpouring has helped me heal my heart even though it was a painful process.

     Thanks to everyone that truly cares about me even when I think they don't because of my old wounds!

    

update

I went to to the doctor yesterday and the verdict is my toe could take up to six months to come back. This poses a problem with walking correctly. I have to get my knees manipulated as no matter how hard I work they will not bend to the degree needed.

     I promise not to be negative in this message, but you cannot imagine the frustration, pain and screamability (new word :)) of this situation. It is easy to give advice, and as a healer I do it all the time. But guess what folks, we are all human, all on the same playing field and it is damn hard to stay positive when you cannot sleep becue you wake up paralyzed in pain and stiffness and have to haul yourself out of bed to get moving.

     Anyway I said I would not make this negative so I will come up with a wise quote. Hm lets see.

"One who stays mindful can find a moment of non-pain inbetween the space of the storyline of fear. Like the heart beat there is a moment when nothing takes place, a void, a blissful moment of silent space - may it grow while having the heart still beat."

June 24

Well I am not actually walking free of any device yet, but it is a nice thought. I am visualizing my self doing this. There are so many places I want to walk, so many places to go, adventures that await me. I know it is only a matter of time, and I want to take some of those that have endured this experience with me. Oh the places we can see from and upright position. The grand canyon comes to mind, a vast space filled with wonder and beauty.