Each Day a New Beginning

It is now September 30, I have been back to work since early August and am now walking with a cane. The pain is still intense, sleep is not always soothing, but I am more determined than ever to fully recover from this wellness challenge and assist others in my predicament.

I hope those who need it find their way to this site. Soon I will be going into the community and doing Reiki and meditation for pain management. I look forward to doing the healing work agian. Peace to all of you.

Acute versus chronic pain

The past week has been sheer hell. I had my knees manipulated and while they got great range while I was knocked out and woke up in horrendous pain I now battele every day to stay mobile. The pain meds no longer work and the screaming is getting worse when they crank on my knees that do not want to bend.

Now Chronic pain I can deal with, but this acute pain from swelling<SPAN class=spell id=sp-11 title="Click here to replace with: gin" style="PADDING-RIGHT: 2px; BACKGROUND-POSITION: left bottom; PADDING-LEFT: 2px; BACKGROUND-IMAGE: url(http://sdk.webmail.aol.com/sdk/20050527/images/bg_spellingErr.gif); PADDING-BOTTOM: 2px; CURSOR: pointer; COLOR: black; PADDING-TOP: 2px; BACKGROUND-REPEAT: repeat-x; BACKGROUND-COLOR: yellow" _backupTitle="null">, and tissue damage is a whole new ball game. I know there are many men and women suffering from the war with far greater wounds than me, and innocent women an children dying and suffering around the world due to the greed and ignorance of those in power in each nation.

My heart and prayers go out to them, because this despair and pain I am experience  is taking me to the brink. My former life is passing away before my eyes with every scream.
Doctor's should not lie about this process it is a sin against the medical profession. Having two knees done at once when you have fybromyal and are in terrible shape to begin with is cruel. If I do get to write my book I will address all of these issues. Today please send prayers of comfort and healing and any donation would be appreciated. as I do not know how I am going to work like this. Thanks.

Today is my Birthday

It';s my birthday and I have been crying most of the day. Some from pain from my legs, and some from people actually sending me things, cards, calls etc. and showing me they love me. I have felt very alone and dejected and this outpouring has helped me heal my heart even though it was a painful process.

     Thanks to everyone that truly cares about me even when I think they don't because of my old wounds!

    

update

I went to to the doctor yesterday and the verdict is my toe could take up to six months to come back. This poses a problem with walking correctly. I have to get my knees manipulated as no matter how hard I work they will not bend to the degree needed.

     I promise not to be negative in this message, but you cannot imagine the frustration, pain and screamability (new word :)) of this situation. It is easy to give advice, and as a healer I do it all the time. But guess what folks, we are all human, all on the same playing field and it is damn hard to stay positive when you cannot sleep becue you wake up paralyzed in pain and stiffness and have to haul yourself out of bed to get moving.

     Anyway I said I would not make this negative so I will come up with a wise quote. Hm lets see.

"One who stays mindful can find a moment of non-pain inbetween the space of the storyline of fear. Like the heart beat there is a moment when nothing takes place, a void, a blissful moment of silent space - may it grow while having the heart still beat."

June 24

Well I am not actually walking free of any device yet, but it is a nice thought. I am visualizing my self doing this. There are so many places I want to walk, so many places to go, adventures that await me. I know it is only a matter of time, and I want to take some of those that have endured this experience with me. Oh the places we can see from and upright position. The grand canyon comes to mind, a vast space filled with wonder and beauty.

Endurance

I had my primary care doctor visit today. While she did listen to all my concerns and made out referrals for all my attendant ancillary problems related to post surgery, can you believe she would not even look at my swollen feet?

This is my surgeons domain. So much for holistic health care. I have 8 more days to increase so many degrees on both my knees. I am so tired from the visit, getting in and out of the car, bracing my legs on the turns, etc. I have not even done any exercises today and I need to re-double my efforts so I do not have to get my knees manipulated under anesthesia to get the full degrees. No that's not pressure.

Just letting off some steam. I am sure once I get my second wind all will be well again.

working out at home

This is me getting iced by the iceman machines and pretending I am spear fishing, although as a Buddhist I would not really do this. Of course when you are in pain it is a challenge to stay on task. This was a few days after I got home and the green bands are to keep my feet up as they swell up soooooooooooooo much!

Rehab

This is me on the NU Step machine. You cannot imagine the level of pain. I am pumping my way to mobility. Stay tuned for the Sequel to Splinterbone.

New Year

With each new year comes the hope of a new start. At least a reminder that you can start again each day. Habit wears one out especially if you are dealing with chronic pain.

Children burst out in joy when they play, because it is all fresh to them. Do you remember taking your clothes to bed so you could change in the middle of the night to be ready to play in the morning? Just imagine if we did that now. Think of your present job. Does it make you want to slip into your clothes in the middle of the night, or do you want to pass out and not think about the next day?

I would love to hear your answer.